Interviewing Sayaka, even everyday conversation with her was difficult because she wouldn't say much. When I asked her "why?", she said that Japanese people are shy. She may have been uncomfortable speaking English because it was difficult for her, but there was something more. After a couple more attempts, she explained that Japanese people feel it is impolite for an individual to express their opinions. Certainly opinions are expressed but the expression of one's opinions is more strictly regulated in Japanese society. Japanese audiences will not express displeasure by booing and even laughing and applauding may be noticeably absent during performances where an audience is in attendance. In a classroom, a Japanese student does not raise his or her hand to show that they would like to answer a question posed by the teacher because to do so would show that they believe their opinion is more important than other classmates. A student will only answer a question if called on.
To be sure politeness has its own unique attributes in Japan. We had read and noticed by its absence that blowing your nose in public is considered rude. Then we noticed several individuals picking their nose in public with no apparent regard for those around them. When I asked Sayaka about this she said that picking your nose in public is not considered bad, but blowing your nose is because it makes noise.
The most unsettling conversation I had with Sayaka centered around her experience as a high school volleyball player. She had mentioned to me once that she had tremendous respect for her volleyball coach because he had taught her many things about life. I had no reason to question this respect until one day she told me he had hit her and other teammates several times. He had slapped her in the face, struck her in the stomach with his knee, and even punched her in the face. When I asked if he had done these things more than once, she replied "yes." In the three years that she was on the team that he coached he had hit her about once a month for her failing to perform as well as he expected, and she was not unique. When Sayaka went to her mother to complain about the coach hitting her, her mother advised her to quit the team. Sayaka's teammates were advised to do the same by their parents. Many of the students like Sayaka stayed on the team anyway. Physical punishment of students is illegal in Japan, but the parents of these high school volleyball players apparently never considered trying to pressure the school administrators to replace this volleyball coach. Sayaka explained that konjo, or having "guts", is important to Japanese people. When I told Sayaka that I felt the violent actions of the coach against his students was not unlike a husband beating his wife, she argued that the relationships were different. This may illustrate something about the importance of the sensei-seito relationship. The sensei is the teacher, or master who is to be respected and obeyed by the seito, the pupil. Sayaka countered my argument by explaining to me that the husband is not the wife's sensei who teaches the seito, that a husband and wife are equals. Ironically, Sayaka's volleyball team had one of the worst records of all the high school volleyball teams they played. Sayaka defended her sensei by arguing that her team would have been better if the coach had taller, better players to work with. She added that he was not necessarily a good volleyball coach, but was respected because he was hard on his players and because he was "an excellent teacher of life." Some of her teammates hate this coach to this day, but others like herself think that being hit by him was okay because he was teaching them something.
Pressures not to do something that will make you conspicuous, a belief that it is rude to express your feelings, that one should possess konjo, and to respect and the commitment to obey your sensei creates unique stresses on individuals in Japanese society that are also dealt with in a unique way. Men frequent karaoke and hostess bars where these rules no longer apply once they are drunk. Hostess bars are especially unique because they provide an environment, a companion to talk with for the night, where repercussions for saying something wrong are nonexistent. Hobbies also serve as a way for Japanese men to release stress. Sayaka believes that Japanese housewives are subject to more stresses than men, but have less ways to release it. The outlets for Japanese women are restricted to conversations with other women friends and a rare visit to a neighborhood bar (perhaps once a month) where it is not permitted to get falling-down drunk like her male counterpart.
Please remember that these are one person's interpretations of the events in her life and her views on life in Japan in general. The value of what she has to say is limited as such, but her thoughts still give us an insight into Japanese culture that many of us would not otherwise have.
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